Dear Firefighter: What the IFS Model Can Offer to Those with Suicidal Thoughts
By Alicia Dabney, AMFT, APCC, ATR-P, and Clinician at the IFS Telehealth Collective*
Dear Firefighter,
I see you.
Thank you for your fierce protection of me at a time when all seems hopeless and you can think of no other way to ease this unbearable pain.
I get that other parts respond to you with fear or judgment, but I’m here with you now and I am curious to know more about you.
My first question to you is, what would you like me to know about you?
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. It is the second leading cause for individuals aged 10-34, and the fourth leading cause for individuals aged 35-44.
Suicide rates vary by race/ethnicity, age, and various factors including circumstances that commonly impact veterans, farmers, prisoners, and young LGBTQ+ folks. However, suicide does not discriminate. Risk factors such as family history of suicide, mental health conditions, prior suicide attempts, Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), and traumatic experiences can put an individual at increased risk. Although suicide prevention campaigns have been shown to raise awareness and shift public perception, there is still much to be done to ensure individuals are connected to resources and supports to help them through.
The Internal Family Systems (IFS) Approach to Suicidality
Just like any other mental health provider, IFS therapists are still tasked with assessing client safety, warning signs, external factors, and taking appropriate action to keep clients safe when they are in crisis. However, when weekly individual therapy is determined to be the appropriate level of care, the IFS model can offer a compassionate and non-pathologizing approach to working with suicidal parts.
Our mind is not unitary. We can hold and experience various different thoughts, images, emotions, sensations, and impulses at any given moment. IFS believes it is the nature of the mind to be subdivided into parts, and that these parts offer valuable qualities and resources in our lives. However, trauma, attachment injuries, emotional wounds, and various life experiences can force these parts out of their balanced states and into extreme protective roles in order to guard the more vulnerable exiled parts of us.
Different protector parts use different strategies: managers will seek to prevent emotional pain by keeping things in control, while firefighters will react to emotional pain that has been triggered by trying to numb, distract, or otherwise douse emotions that arise in connection to painful memories and reminders. What do these two types of protectors have in common? They both do what they can to protect the most vulnerable, wounded, exiled parts of us that have taken on burdens and beliefs as a result of painful experiences.
Firefighters as Internal Heroes
During times of acute hopelessness and despair, it is a firefighter that responds. Frank Anderson, MD, states in his book, Transcending Trauma, that suicidal parts “tend to show up when the pain is high and the access to love is minimal or nonexistent”. Suicidal thoughts signal a desperate, last-ditch effort by firefighters seeking to relieve emotional pain in the internal system. This pain may have grown so great that it feels like an unbearable, untenable situation. They want the pain to stop and do not know of any other way. These parts may feel trapped, out of control, and do not believe that things will ever improve. However, in IFS there is a way of going to this pain and healing it so that parts no longer have to carry it alone.
The Qualities of Self
How can this pain be healed? IFS holds that all individuals have a Self—a core, undamaged essence inside that carries qualities such as calm, clarity, compassion, connection, courage, curiosity, creativity, and confidence. This Self offers internal wisdom, guidance, and an inherent ability to heal from within. Self is not a goal to attain. It is not resourced from outside, but rather can be accessed when parts start to feel seen and heard and allow space for Self to emerge. Parts will begin to trust that they no longer have to deal with all of these painful burdens alone.
There is an underlying assumption in IFS that every part has a positive intention, no matter how desperate or extreme a part or protector may become. Even so, it is common to fear working with suicidal parts. This fear might arise from other parts in the internal system that believe giving a suicidal part attention will give it more power. There might be a concern that a suicidal part will take over. Similarly, managers may polarize against these firefighters because they fear losing control of the situation.
Curiosity and Compassion
When Self-led, an IFS therapist remains clear, open, and calm when suicidal parts arise in clients. The therapist acts as a “hope merchant” and holds genuine confidence that healing is possible and that all parts can shift into more positive, harmonious roles in the system. This hope is especially needed by those protectors who are pessimistic, fearful, blocking, and do not believe there is any other way to deal with the pain.
An IFS therapist:
Offers curiosity and compassion in getting to know suicidal parts
Carries the inherent belief that these parts are trying to help the client
Works with other parts in the client’s system that are scared of this firefighter
Guides the client in accessing Self, befriending the part, and understanding its positive intent
In IFS, all parts are truly welcome and they are so much more than their burdens and beliefs. It is also true that not all firefighters are extreme or dangerous. When unburdened, they might offer valuable qualities such as courage, adventurousness, confidence, passion, and playfulness to the internal system.
Through this healing process, the client can begin to listen to these suicidal parts and relate to them differently. This befriending opens the door for deeper connection and the possibility of healing the wounded exiles that these firefighters have worked so fiercely to protect. Protectors will soften when they feel the openness, compassion, and curiosity of Self. Parts will finally feel safe, validated, and ready to tell their story.
Are you in a crisis? Dial 911 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). The service is available to anyone 24/7 and all calls are confidential.
You can also connect 24/7 to a crisis counselor by texting the Crisis Text Line. Text HOME to 741741.
Telehealth is not appropriate for active suicidality, but if you are interested in learning more about how IFS can help you heal and you live in California, Florida, Massachusetts, Michigan, New York, or Oregon, schedule a free 20-minute consultation by contacting our Client Care Coordinator at the IFS Telehealth Collective or call 503-447-3244.
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*Alicia Larsen Dabney is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #119864, Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #8016, Supervised by Marcella Cox LMFT #87274, Internal Family Systems Level 3 Trained, Registered Provisional Art Therapist #20-261
