Ringing in the New Year with Self Energy | Growth & Healing with IFS
New Year’s Eve can be a time of excitement, fun, and celebration, but it can also trigger stress and anxiety. At the start of the New Year, our culture invites us to reflect on our past choices and set goals for the future. For this reason, the clean slate of a fresh year can be a good time to commit to practices of internal growth and healing. At the same time, the pressure to evaluate the past and make positive change in the future can trigger self-criticism and doubt. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an accessible and transformative way to work toward healing and growth in the New Year. IFS can also help us work with challenging experiences and emotions during this time of year, offering ways to explore and soothe difficult emotions that are activated around New Year’s Eve expectations and festivities. Whether you are working with an IFS therapist to kickstart practices of self-regulation, reflection, and healing in 2024, or you are using IFS to explore and soothe parts that become activated during this stressful time, IFS therapy can be an excellent tool to help you confidently tackle the challenges and triumphs of the New Year.
From Strict Resolutions to Mindful Intentions
Our culture can put an intense amount of pressure on us to use the blank slate of the New Year to create a “new you.” Reflecting on the habits we tried to establish last year can trigger feelings of self-criticism and doubt. We’ve all had the experience of setting out in January, full of energy, eager to establish new habits in the New Year, only to watch ourselves lose steam and stamina as early as February. With this buildup of disappointment, reflecting on the past year and creating new resolutions can often feel like reviewing a list of failures. It’s tempting to write off the entire idea of resolutions as too tainted by pressure and unhealthy expectations. But you don’t need to forgo the tradition of New Year’s resolutions entirely to be kind to yourself at this time of year. For some of us, these resolutions can be an important yearly ritual, and rituals can help us feel grounded and connected to something larger than ourselves. It’s possible to use the framework of IFS to craft gentler New Year’s resolutions, creating a yearly practice that helps us reflect, take stock, and set loving intentions for ourselves without launching us into a spiral of self-criticism and shame. It can be helpful to reframe resolutions as a practice of mindful intention-setting, always revolving around the central goal to treat yourself with love and compassion.
The Inner Critic
Ah, the Inner Critic. Everyone’s favorite uninvited guest. It’s the voice that tells you that you’re lazy because you’re taking some much-needed rest, or the nagging sense that you need to lose five pounds when you’re feeling healthy and satiated after a good meal. Often the Inner Critic can feel like an enemy, but it can help to recognize that the Inner Critic wants to be a friend. It just doesn’t know how. According to Richard Schwartz who developed the IFS model, parts that are loud, critical, or intense are often operating as protectors. In this sense there are actually no truly “bad” parts, because even our difficult parts are just trying, ungracefully, to help us. The Inner Critic often thinks it knows what we should do, but it is unskilled in its methods of persuasion, using harsh and forceful language and berating us to try to get us to do what it wants. Usually, these parts are trying to help us avoid difficult or painful feelings, which can be rooted in past trauma. Sometimes these parts can even succeed in getting us to do, from the outside, healthy and productive things, such as completing difficult work or take care of important tasks. But it can feel terrible when our protective parts are running the show, and when these parts become responsible for getting us through our days, our lives can become incredibly overwhelming.
The Inner Critic often rears its ugly head around the time of the New Year, as we reflect on the past year and set intentions for the year to come. Simply being aware of the Inner Critic can help us to respond instead of react when we encounter it. If you do find yourself overwhelmed with self-judgment, or if you feel harshly self-critical and are sure that this self-criticism is “real” or “true,” you may have become blended with your Inner Critic. To regain Self energy, it can help to take a few deep breaths and ground in the present moment. Notice the feeling of your feet resting on the floor and, if you’re sitting, your back against the couch or chair. Approach your Inner Critic with curiosity, listening non-judgmentally and showing it appreciation as it shares deeper intentions to help. Relate to it respectfully, keeping in mind that even an Inner Critic has positive gifts to offer when it’s less extreme. You may find that it softens its critical voice, making way for other parts to come through, or discover that it needs something specific from you, such as a slower pace, your presence and attention, or your reassurance that you won’t ignore or neglect it. It can be helpful to do this in the presence of a skilled IFS therapist, who can gently guide you to work more proficiently with your Inner Critic, or you can listen to a guided IFS meditation to aid you in the process. Your Inner Critic, when treated with gentleness and curiosity, may even be helpful in setting intentions and resolutions for the New Year, once you are able to un-blend from this part and help it soften its harsh voice.
Resolutions with Compassion
As you are setting intentions for the New Year, keep your multifaceted family of parts in mind. Are there particular parts you want to spend more time getting to know this year? It can help to set aside a small amount of time each day to check in with exiles or younger, more vulnerable parts. You can use the regular rhythms of the day to find a time to check in, such as each morning while you’re brushing your teeth, or as you are winding down in the evening before bed. The New Year can be a good time to recommit to such nourishing practices. But remember, mindful intention-setting is not the same as creating strict expectations for yourself, which can set you up for feelings of failure and disappointment when you inevitably fall short of an imagined ideal. A great way to build self-compassion your New Year’s Resolutions can be, as silly as it sounds, by resolving, first and foremost, to treat yourself with compassion. That way, if you fall short, you can remind yourself that your main New Year’s resolution is to be self-loving and compassionate when life inevitably gets in the way of your best laid plans.
Conclusion: Embrace Every Part and Set Intentions from Self
The New Year can be a time of great excitement and joy, and counting down the seconds until the ball drops can feel like preparing for a fresh start. This is a great time to commit or recommit to practices of self-love, compassion, exploration, and growth, and IFS can be a helpful tool for this work of self-discovery and healing. However, the pressure to create a “new and improved self” in the New Year can lead to feelings of self-criticism, disappointment, and frustration. The framework of IFS can help you take a gentler approach to setting New Year’s intentions, helping you work with critical voices and enjoy a regulating ritual of self-compassionate intention-setting.
As the New Year unfolds, consider exploring the framework of IFS therapy, either with an IFS-certified therapist, or on your own through self-study and exploration. By understanding and embracing your multifaceted family of parts, you can foster a sense of wholeness and embark on a path of healing. May the coming year be a time of discovery, growth, and Self-leadership for us all.
Curious about what intentions your parts have for 2024? Work with one of our skilled IFS therapists individually or in a community group and get the year off to a great start.
Would you like to start this year off with a positive practice rooted in self-love? A therapist at IFS Telehealth Collective can help you find and connect with the parts that need to be seen, heard, and ultimately healed by you. If you live in California, Florida, Massachusetts, Michigan, New York, or Oregon, please contact our Client Care Coordinator or call 503-447-3244.
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