Using IFS for Self-led Activism
Written by Clarissa Harwell, LCSW
Let’s Try Something….
Close your eyes and call to mind a social justice topic that matters greatly to you.
Take a few moments to imagine hearing from someone who’s position differs from yours, even thinking of getting into an argument with them about the topic. Begin to notice what your body is showing you — are you feeling heat in your chest, a tightness in your brow, a clenched jaw or some other physical experience? Breathe some attention into any sensations you have. When you’re ready, shift your attention to any words, images or thoughts that have arisen as you focus on calling to mind this heated debate about your chosen topic. As I do this internally-focused exercise alongside you, I’ll share my own process.
A social justice issue that fires me up is mass incarceration. I closed my eyes and imagined getting into an online debate about the devastation that mass incarceration inflicts upon individuals, families, communities and even those who are part of the system tasked to enforce prison rule. In my imaginary debate, my “opponent” is telling me that people who commit crimes need to be punished, that they “should have thought” before committing an offense, and that, without the rule of law, we are all heathens, doomed to chaos. I’m noticing my heart rate has increased and a sensation of pushing within my chest. The words and thoughts entering my mind are not favorable towards my imagined opponent. “Heartless,” “ignorant,” “Not worth my time” and images of trolls fill my mindscape. I feel ready for battle. I took several deep, expansive breaths, sending attention and compassion to those sensations and thoughts, and felt them diminish slightly in intensity. And suddenly I felt tears well up in my eyes, a drop in my stomach, and the words “They’ll never understand. It’s hopeless” filled my mind. More breath, more compassion, and a dose of curiosity sent to this hopeless part.
Deconstructing the Process:
As I began this experiment, there were two parts I noticed immediately. Firstly, the part I call my Activist was activated and ready to go. This is a part I’m quite familiar with, fond of, and which has played a part in becoming a Clinical Social Worker and advocate for myriad social justice issues. This part has also been activated in spaces where I’ve been called out and called in, and has experienced the discomfort of making mistakes, of having my microaggressing pointed out, and of ignorance. My Activist part is challenged by the growing awareness of my implicit biases and complicitness in the racist systems from which I continue to benefit. I expected my Activist to be at the ready and it was. Surprising me, though, was the part that felt sadness and hopelessness. This part needed some focused attention, so I asked Activist to pause, to wait nearby in my mind’s eye, so that I could spend some time with this other part that showed up. Interestingly, though Activist was willing to stand by, it was hesitant and cautious, letting me know that it might not be a good idea to go to the Sadness/Hopeless part because it fears I will lose my fierce motivation to create and support social change. It was worried I’d get stuck in the sadness and despair, which would mean Activist might lose its important job in my system. I reassured Activist that its role is important to me, and asked that it allow me just a bit of time to be curious about this other part. I let it know that it will not lose its job, and that if it feels like I’m unable to tolerate the feelings of this other part, it can pop right back in. I was confident in having enough Self energy to follow through with this, and I also trust mightily in my parts’ abilities to interject if needed.
The Inquiry:
And so I turned my awareness to the sad and hopeless part of me. I took note of the physical sensations, and I imagined my breath going to these areas and filling them with compassion, and then began a gentle inquiry. It went something like this:
A check-in with myself — my Self — regarding how I feel towards this one holding all the sadness. I became aware of a bit of apprehension and a lot of curiosity, so I proceeded with my inquiry. I let it know I was curious about it; wanted to understand it, and with this, I felt a slight shift in the part as it began to take in that I wanted to know it. “What do you need me to know?,” I asked this part. Immediately, it showed me an image of me sobbing on the floor, head in hands. “What else?” I asked. The words “Stop trying” floated past my mind’s eye like chemtrails, and I invited the part to show me what it means. I asked my part what it’s role is in my system and it let me know it’s there to “prevent despair.” As I continued with this open-hearted questioning, I asked of my sadness what it was afraid would happen if it didn't prevent despair, if I kept trying to fight against mass incarceration and other issues important to me? “You’ll feel useless because the fight is too big. You can’t really make a difference.” Ah, yes. That really makes sense to me. The social justice issues we are faced with are complex, daunting and impact so many. Of course this part wants to protect me from succumbing to that overwhelm! I send it some loving gratitude, with my hand on my stomach where I feel it most. “You don’t want me to get lost in despair. You know it’s an uphill battle to change people’s minds, to advocate for legislative shifts, and to care for the people and communities impacted by this. It is. It really is. You're afraid that if I can’t make the differences I want to make, I will be brought to my knees in puddles of despair, and you don’t want that for me. Am I getting this right?” I am. “Thank you.”
The Update
I inquire how old this part thinks I am and it shows me an image of an adolescent me. This doesn’t quite make sense to me so I invite the part to show or tell me more about this. Right away, it broadcast a montage of experiences I had in adolescence where I advocated for myself and got shut down, invalidated or subject to other people angry with me; then the images stopped and I felt acutely defeated. Oh! This is familiar. This sense of defeat, hopelessness and, yes, despair. I get it now, and I let my part know that. What comes next is a process of letting this protector know that I’m an adult now, with a support system, boundaries, self-care and other parts. I take time to be with this part, really letting it get a sense of me. In my mind’s eye, I ask the part to turn towards me and feel my presence. Its surprise lets me know that it thought I was still that defeated teen, and it softens as it takes in all I show it about my life now. The part feels smaller and lighter now.
The Follow-Up
Getting to know this younger part of myself — it’s beliefs and fears, intentions and it’s understanding of me — has allowed me to know more about its role in my internal system. The Activist is loud, bold and familiar — easily likable by me and my other parts — and this Sad/Hopeless part is quieter, heavier and nervous. Other parts don’t feel favorable towards it and judge it as an “Eeyore” — pessimistic and glum. As other parts listened to my inquiry with Sadness, they too began to understand its positive intentions for me. I ask it if it likes its job in my system and it does not, so I ask what else it might rather be doing. To my delight, it tells me it wants to join the Activist! It has felt before as though these parts were working against each other. When Activist gets fired up, this part felt it needed to counterbalance that boldness to protect me. I check with Sadness to see if we can spend some time soon, letting it and Activist get to know each other — really hearing from each other about their roles, fears and intentions — so that they might team up in a way that works for us all. Sadness accepts this invitation and I ask what it might need from me in the coming days. “How do you want me to follow-up with you?” is how I ask. “Just keep showing me who you are now; just be here with me” are the answers I got in reply. I assure this part that I can do that; that I will continue to build trust between it and my Self, which will allow it to perhaps shift into a role of its choosing without feeling obligated to protect me in the ways it does now. I extend my appreciation to this part and to the Activist, who showed up earlier in this process, and ask them where in my system they’d like to be until we visit again. Activist will wait at the ready, in my chest, and is ready to work. Sadness lets me know that it will wait nearby, watching Activist and tempering its heat if it feels I might be getting into territory of overwhelm or despair. With one hand on my chest and one on my belly, I breathe in, expanding my abdomen, ribs, side body and chest. The out breath is audible, a slow and metered exhale, and I open my eyes once again.
An Invitation:
Are you passionate about social justice issues? There’s certainly no shortage of important issues facing us! Often, we really like the parts of ourselves that take action, fight against injustice, and advocate for change. We may strongly identify with these parts, fearing who we’d be without them. These parts tend to give us a sense of purpose. We also may experience guilt, shame or dislike around any parts of us that are not taking action, that we are not “doing enough.” Or we might wonder what’s wrong with us for not caring more about certain issues, or feel closed off or numb when these topics arise in our lives. I invite you to consider that any and all of these feelings and parts are valid, even if they appear in opposition to each other or to your values.
If you’d like to explore these facets of yourself, The IFS Telehealth Collective is here to support you. Our IFS trained clinicians will help you bring calm and clarity to the opposition you experience inside. Let’s get to know your parts!
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