Building Trust in YourSelf - IFS practices to help you get there
By Alicia Dabney, AMFT, APCC, ATR-P, and Clinician at the IFS Telehealth Collective*
Did you know there are 1440 minutes in a day? When calculated, that makes 10080 minutes in a week, with perhaps only 50-75 minutes of those spent in therapy. Working with a skilled Internal Family Systems℠ (IFS) therapist facilitates your personal transformation as you heal your parts and find inner wisdom to reach your treatment goals. However, ‘therapy’ is often said to happen just as much—if not more—in between sessions if you stay connected to your IFS experiences in other ways.
The IFS approach is collaborative in nature and your IFS therapist will probably encourage you to stay connected to your parts during the week or to notice what’s happening inside as you go about your day. Incorporating small practices of your own every day can accelerate your progress toward your goals, support you as you continue to get to know your inner world of parts, and start building internal trust in your core Self as the leader of your system. Instead of it feeling like homework or yet another chore on your to-do list for the day, it’s an opportunity to listen inside and find out what you really need, know, feel, and want. These subtle invitations to tune in will create a menu of supportive practices that ultimately create a way of being more connected to your Self internally, and out in the world
Benefits to Continuity
There are numerous benefits to creating these moments of continuity between sessions. Pennies add up. Small practices can start to build trust in your internal system so that your wise Self can more often be in the lead. Listening in and connecting with parts inside can foster deeper Self-to-part relationships, particularly through the responsiveness of noticing when a part is activated and needs something from you. Your practices and “parts check-ins” can be incorporated easily into existing self-care practices, provide support on difficult days when parts are blended, and support integration after a particularly deep healing session.
Your IFS therapist can help you find out what approaches suit you best. Tap into your creativity! Allow your individual choice and preferences to lead the way as you begin to consider the many possibilities. What works for you might not work for someone else. Start by considering your interests and go toward whatever resonates. Be open to trying new things and see what works. As IFS Trainer, Mariel Pastor, often says, “with IFS, everything is feedback, so it’s impossible to fail. Even if things feel stuck, there’s always a reason. Your inner world will always make sense. No matter what happens with your practice, there’s always something to learn and be gained.”
What’s on the Menu?
An exhaustive list of all the different ways you can incorporate IFS into your life doesn’t exist because the possibilities are truly endless. Nonetheless, here’s a menu of possible starting points to help you create small practices of your own for personal self-care and for solidifying the healing in your IFS therapy.
Parts Check-ins
Sometimes all that’s needed is a brief, friendly hello to let a part of you know that you’ve noticed its presence. Or simply remembering a part you've promised to return to. Pause. Hand on heart. Breathe.
Consider taking small actions to support a part with what it needs, or perhaps an activity it might want to do. Create small rituals to honor a part or build a deeper connection to it. Sometimes, these parts check-ins can extend into longer meditations, such as those found on InsightTimer. Richard Schwartz’s Meditations for Self and Toni Herbine-Blank’s Coming Home offer longer explorations into your internal system.
Movement
Movement, breath, and even posture changes allow you to consciously embody parts and connect to them on a deeper level. What movement or energy does a part want to express? What posture do you form when allowing a part to move or shape your body? Take note, especially of how you move when your Self-energy is flowing.
Imaginal body scans work well for those who are somatically oriented and can increase somatic orientation for those who tend to feel more disconnected from this physical awareness. You might consider allowing parts to be present and accompany you while practicing yoga, hiking in nature, or engaging in your movement activity of choice.
Media
Allow parts to select a movie or music playlist! Games, television, and other media provide another outlet for communication. Then, get curious. What prompted you to listen to that album from years past? Why did that old movie suddenly come to mind a few times? Be open to whatever arises.
Communication
Journaling can be utilized in countless ways ranging from full entries to parts maps, to free-form words that capture your inner dialogue from parts. You might consider reflecting on what parts were present in a journal entry or even in a particular dream. How did you feel during, or after? Or maybe let each part write a page, or perhaps dialogue noted between one or more parts of you. Similarly, you can write letters for parts—or consciously blend with a part and write a letter from a part.
Community
There can be such joy in connecting with and finding others who share a common language and discovery of their internal system. Consider finding an IFS community online for learning and support or augment your IFS therapy by attending workshops and retreats.
Additional Resources
Deepening Healing Through Art and Creativity
IFS Telehealth Collective Tools Library
Daily Parts Meditation Practice by Michelle Glass
Internal Family Systems Skills Training Manual by Frank Anderson
Reflection
Many of these practices may center around connecting to your parts or supporting them when they are activated. When possible, it’s most helpful to be as curious and non-judgmental of these parts as possible. Curiosity is one of the qualities associated with your innate, wise Self, along with calmness, compassion, creativity, confidence, courage, and connectedness. Pause after engaging in any of these practices and notice:
How do you feel toward what you just did?
What surprised you?
What resonated?
Has any new understanding come in the process?
There’s an IFS saying that ‘slower is faster. Try not to try too hard. Consider your pacing as you incorporate new things to support you throughout the week. Listen to your parts if they stop you from going further. Consider writing out your reflections and practices to share with your IFS therapist as a starting point for your next session.
Above all, trust your intuition as you create supportive practices in your daily life. Appreciate whatever you discover and stay open to trying something new if practices start to feel stale. The possibilities are endless, but it’s impossible to fail!
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*Alicia Larsen Dabney is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #119864, Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #8016, Internal Family Systems Level 3 Trained, Registered Provisional Art Therapist #20-261. Supervised by Andrew Pflueger LMFT #86223.
