Clinician Spotlight: Stephen Toriello
Internal Family Systems SM (IFS) therapy, developed by Richard Schwartz Ph.D., is more than just a method — it is a paradigm-shifting approach for deeply understanding and appreciating every part of ourselves. The IFS framework encourages a gentle inquiry that allows us to understand ourselves, our families, and our world in a new and holistic way.
This month, The IFS Telehealth Collective is ready to introduce you to Stephen Toriello, the newest California-based member of our team now accepting clients for Online IFS therapy. We had the opportunity hear from Stephen about how he first discovered IFS therapy, his focus on trauma-informed meditation practices and somatic applications of IFS, and what you might find him up to on the weekend.
Q: What drew you to IFS therapy?
ST: A really good friend, who I knew through my Buddhist community, introduced me to IFS. He had done an IFS training and loved it. I started by listening to some of Dick Schwartz’s meditation programs and I found those really powerful. I then got my own IFS therapist and that took it to a whole new level. My firsthand experience with the power of the model made me extremely excited about it. From there, I took trainings and started to incorporate IFS with clients.
Q: Describe your approach to IFS when working with clients.
ST: My approach to IFS is really influenced by trauma-informed meditation practices and somatic therapies. I emphasize creating a safe space to explore the parts of us that need attention. For example, parts of us that might keep the nervous system activated in fight-flight mode or in shutdown mode - really being curious about what these parts of us have learned to do in an attempt to keep us safe and protected. I try to keep in mind the importance of connecting with the core Self that's always there, even within and throughout our wounded parts. Accessing Self energy provides a way to hold space for these wounded parts, just letting them be seen and heard and witnessed in a way that is ultimately healing.
Q: Are there any social issues you’re passionate about?
ST: A particular social issue that I feel really passionate about is criminal justice reform. I have done work in the past around restorative justice, ways of addressing mass incarceration, and human rights for folks in the criminal justice system. I interned in a criminal court mediation program and volunteered with an organization called Restorative Justice Initiative in NYC. I volunteered on Rikers Island in a horticultural therapy program in addition to other forms of criminal justice activism.
Q: Finish this sentence: "Therapy is for you when..
ST: you want to get to know yourself better.
Q: What is your favorite analogy that you use with your clients that seems to be helpful to them?
ST: I’m a nature lover, so I love Dick Schwartz’s “flock of birds” analogy. The birds look like a single organism moving in a harmonious and beautiful way. This is sort of like the goal of IFS therapy: for a person to feel whole and integrated. Each of those birds is an individual part - like the different parts of a person - but they are all connected through this almost invisible force—the Self that is in and throughout all parts of us. That Self energy helps us to feel more integrated and whole.
Q: How might clients describe their work with you?
ST: They might say that I create a space that is safe and welcoming. I try to convey a sense of ease and groundedness on a somatic level. I think this helps people to feel like it’s ok to just be themselves.
Q: How do you stay grounded in Self energy?
ST: When I’m feeling ungrounded, I try to pause and spend some time tuning into the part of myself that needs attention. I try to remember that I don’t need to be perfect, and it’s ok to feel things!
And in general, I try to make time for things that help me be in my body and access joy and creativity. I like listening to music, dancing, doing yoga, spending time with people I love, and being out in nature.
Q: Favorite Poem?
ST: I love this simple poem from the Zen Master Ryokan. I understand it to be a reflection on what cannot be taken from us. The moon is a common metaphor in Zen for our Buddha Nature, and in IFS language, maybe we could say it is the Self which cannot be harmed, no matter what traumatic experiences we've endured. The story goes that Ryokan wrote this after returning to his hut and realizing that his few belongings had been stolen.
The thief left it behind:
the moon
at my window.
-Ryokan
Q: What brought you from the East Coast to the West Coast?
ST: Falling in love with someone adds a certain gravitational pull to a place. I met my wife in California and the rest is history! I also just love the environment here. Maybe it’s my Italian ancestry - the Mediterranean climate and landscape feels like home to me. But then again, who doesn’t love year-round sunshine?
Q: If you weren’t working as a therapist, what would you be doing?
ST: In my twenties, I did a lot of carpentry and woodworking. If I wasn’t a therapist, there is a good chance I’d be doing that. I love working with my hands and natural materials. It doesn’t make me feel as fulfilled as being a therapist, but it’s satisfying, like a form of meditation - I get into a sort of flow state with it. Someday, if I have space for a workshop, I'll definitely be doing that more in my free time.
Q: Outside of doing therapy, what do you enjoy?
ST: On a typical weekend, you might find me playing guitar or cooking my favorite curry dish for the week. I love being active, especially out in nature, and I get excited about trying different types of movement - dance, martial arts, etc… And of course, I love spending time with friends and family (particularly my nieces and nephews!)
Does Stephen Toriello sound like the right therapist to guide you on your journey? If you are based in California, contact our Client Care Coordinator or call 503-447-3244 to schedule a consultation.
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